This past week I have started and discarded a number of blogs. Each one didn't really seem to be speaking to me, or rather my thoughts - jumbled as they were - did not translate onto the page. But I've also decided that, for better or worse, I wouldn't censor what I was writing or thinking, that maybe then the truth will out.
I have such love surrounding me every day through calls from friends, well wishes that I read as comments to my blog (I love em, keep em coming), and support from my husband and the rest of my family - related by blood or otherwise. That love I hope, will carry me through. But I've always had a feeling in me that if at first I don't succeed disappointment will soon follow. Disappointment of others as well as in myself. I've always had a sense of if I don't try I won't get disappointed. If I don't keep my hopes up, they won't get dashed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I have two settings Motivated and Moving, and Queen Slacker. My sister, who is my biggest hero, is trying to teach me to be more gentle with myself and to find the balance between the two, not to fret when I eat one too many cookies or perhaps a pint of frozen yogurt or the dreaded Haagen Dazs (not that the ice cream doesn't rock, but perhaps that the whole pint shouldn't go down in one sitting).
Still it is an uphill battle for me not to see my willpower battery as fully charged or dead. This week, the battery is low. Not from any real lack of will, but more from my vice of books. It's hard to imagine a vice of books as being bad, but to me it's always been an escape, and a wonderful one that that. I bought six books after acupuncture on Monday and I'm on my last one.
I'm also feeling a bit sluggish since I didn't have my Pilates buzz this week. I got a call from my instructor Veronica that she had a family emergency and had to cancel Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm hoping tomorrows class will charge me up for the rest of the weekend.
I know this post has been a little random, but thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts on such a beautiful day.
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